Turning Points

I'm pretty proud of myself! For having been on the program for one week, I think I've adjusted quite well... I've lost three pounds (I think most of that is water weight)... but I've learned some valuable lessons on how to stay to my daily point value I need... YAY! I really feel good about doing this. Now more than ever I realize I need to get this weight down! Oh, and thank goodness for the extra points allowances per week! I did go over by about 11 points total, once my activity points kicked in as well.

Fits and Starts

It's funny that every time I come back to my blog, I notice that I haven't posted in about a year. But that's fine. I started this blog to track my weight loss endeavors through space and time, and that's what I plan to do. In my last post I said I would cover psychological issues of my weight and body image, but I think I'd like to give an update first.

Physical stats (as of today)
Weight: 339lbs
Height: 5'11''
Waist size: Somewhere between 48 and 50 (God, I remember when I was wearing 36s and 38s!)
Mood: Ok... (-_- )

This is the biggest I have ever been and the numbers have just been going up and up with no end in sight. I'm scared for health reasons and also touching on the psychological piece I talked about in my previous post, I'm depressed about it. But, I saw some recent pictures of myself from a gathering with friends and decided enough was enough. I took a drastic measure and.... *gasp* joined Weight Watchers. Damn you Jennifer Hudson, with your new urms and new legs!

No, but really. She wasn't the hook. I just figured, aside from the lack of physical exercise, that something must be wrong with my diet. I have gained about 15 lbs since the beginning of the year. I'm sure the weight gain is for multiple reasons (including losing my Mom in January, starting blood pressure medication ( -_-), and just being so much less physically active.

But the Weight Watchers programme seems to have it right so far. I'm given a "point total" to stick to everyday. Every food has a point value, which is subtracted from the point total for the day when the food is eaten. I'm not supposed to surpass that point total for the day. Additionally, one is given a certain amount of reserve points for the week, and extra points for exercising.

After using the system for 4 days, it's already clear to me why I've been gaining weight. I've exceeded my point value everyday, and have eaten into all my reserve points. The only extra points I have are a few from a little bit of exercise I did on Sunday.

It seems that Weight Watchers is really about teaching portion control and consciousness of what you're eating. It really makes keeping track of food intake practical and in essence makes calorie counting easier, although there is not a direct correlation with point values and calories. The point values are based on carbs, fat, fiber, and protein. Foods high in fat tend to have higher point values, as well as foods high in carbs with little fiber. There are times that you may cook food and you can't always calculate the total calories. But the Weight Watchers point system makes it a lot simpler with a huge database of food and the ability to create custom recipes to determine the point values. Even if you can't enter in the exact food you had, you can estimate and come pretty close to your point value.

Basically, I've been keeping a food diary, which I never thought was feasible, practical, or useful. But I'm really being proven wrong. I look forward to see if I get any results from this endeavor, and I plan to at least stick to it for a month (hell, I got special deal and got 3 months free, so I really need to use it longer!). Exercise is something I need to integrate back into my life... and I need to consider it a life long thing. I don't know why I can't just buckle down and make it as normal as my commute to work!

Anyway, I will touch on some of the psychological issues with weight loss in my next post. I promise. Really. I want to try to stick to things this time and I think I've found the motivation to do so.

If anything, I've given up on the idea that my situation is hopeless. That in and of itself is a major step.

A Self Reflection...

When it comes to how I think of myself and my body--my body image--there is a definite disconnect. My body weight, shape, and size have been an issue for me since adolescence. I used to (and sometimes still) look in the mirror and criticize my body and think negative thoughts. During the day I'm thinking about how my fatness affects how I look in my clothes. I avoid mirrors. I am wondering if anyone would ever be attracted to me and I'm thinking about how they perceive me (I tend to live in my head at times). I am quite self-conscious. According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), I have a negative body image:

Negative body image is . . .

• A distorted perception of your shape--you perceive parts of your body unlike they really are.
• You are convinced that only other people are attractive and that your body size or shape is a sign of personal failure.
• You feel ashamed, self-conscious, and anxious about your body.
• You feel uncomfortable and awkward in your body.

Also they say:

People with negative body image have a greater likelihood of developing an eating disorder and are more likely to suffer from feelings of depression, isolation, low self-esteem, and obsessions with weight loss.

And I can certainly say I have problems with overeating, have had problems being severely depressed about my body (to he point of not wanting to leave the house), and not being at ease in certain social situations. I would say if you looked at my PREVIOUS ENTRIES on this blog, you might get hints of these things as well.

I'm a believer that hatred and dislike--of others and of self--is not inborn, but TAUGHT and LEARNED. It makes sense that this negative self concept I've developed was learned from someone or something; and I would venture to say it comes from my interaction with others in my life. In Sociology I learned that a lot of our self concept comes from how others (family, friends, lovers, people we're interested in etc) view us: our "looking glass self." Moreover the images we're bombarded with on a daily basis are also a major force in our self-concept. When it comes to women you typically hear about living up to the images of supermodels and Barbies, but I think what people ignore is that men go through body image issues as well.

So now that I've determined I have a negative body image--how do I determine what is a positive body image? The NEDA definition of positive body image is:

Positive body image is . . .

• A clear, true perception of your shape--you see the various parts of your body as they really are.
• You celebrate and appreciate your natural body shape and you understand that a person`s physical appearance says very little about their character and value as a person.
• You feel proud and accepting of your unique body and refuse to spend an unreasonable amount of time worrying about food, weight, and calories.
• You feel comfortable and confident in your body.

So as part of my health goals, I want to develop a POSITIVE body image by trying to keep these points in mind.

But I want to have a nicely sculpted and muscular body! Is this mutually exclusive with me wanting to have a positive body image? Does me being gay having anything to do with this? And what does this say about male body image in the media? I'll touch on these topics in my next post!

Feel free to comment on what YOU think!

Moving Right Along...

Yes, this blog is officially back in business... back to Takin' Care of Business! But I think I should provide some updates as to the direction of the blog and my new goals.

Mission Statement: To chronicle my journey in the betterment of my health and explore health issues with my readership.

I want to take a moment and define "health." The World Health Organization defines health as:

"complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity."

From a young age I've always been taunted about my weight and so naturally I've wanted to "lose weight." Losing weight was important not for health reasons but because of the psychological damage of the taunting and the poor body image it created. But I believe focusing on this one goal has been rather short sighted. What I'm realizing now as an adult is that my being overweight (technically obese) is the cause of several problems that I need to deal with.

It seems more reasonable to focus on overall health since weight is an aspect of health and all the components of health are linked together. To achieve betterment in health I believe that it's logical that these several areas are of importance:

Physical Health

• Exercise
• Nutrition
• Sleep

Mental Health

• Body image
• Positive self-affirmation
• A support network
• Stress management
• Spirituality

By no means is that an extensive list, but it covers some major areas. My posts will explore healthy goal formation in these arenas and as per my mission statement, I'll also explore various health topics by sharing articles and resources and providing commentary.

You'll be here with me when I face my challenges... when I fall down and when I get back up. I hope that if anything my journey in self-help can help you.

And so here I pledge my commitment to improve my health and call forth witnesses to sign in the form of comments of this post. I hope you all enjoy watching my journey!

"The Second Time Around" or "After The Freshman Fifteen"

Well I'm back in the game but I'm a bit behind. In fact I've gained weight (the dreaded freshman 15) and I'm heavier than when I initially started this blog. From reading my posts it probably seems like my efforts have been pretty pathetic. Well, the stress of college and the fact that I had to deal with the after effects of Hurricane Katrina probably have a lot to do with it. Less excuses though and more action. I plan to duplicate what I did in 2005. Because I've started my internship earlier I get to start exercising earlier and doing it longer! I am really excited about what is going to happen and the goals I will achieve. Once I get back into the flow I'll plan ways to become a creature of habit for the next semester. I am going to the gym later today--I've actually been dieing to get moving lately. I just wonder how much of a shock it will be for me to adjust and get back into my routine. Well, for now, Sianara!

Take it with a grain of salt...

I couldn't fit exercise into my schedule due to an 8 am class and financial issues, but I did have a low calorie intake. My semester overall is oging well, tommorow is a brand new day. Trust that I will be at the gym bright an early.

"He got that ambition baby..."

YEAH!!!

I am doing great so far! I hope to be posting less of the little accomplishments as they will become commonplace. Big things are to come! I made it up at 8:30 and exercised for about 45 minutes on the elliptical... I made several iPod playlists for exercising, so I am not having a hard time at all. BIG THINGS ARE TO COME! My types of exercise need to be varied so that I don’t plateau! Let’s hope that doesn’t happen! *crossing fingers*

But anyway, I had Gatorade for breakfast lol. It hydrated me and nourished me. Don’t worry; I usually eat some fruit now for breakfast. I made it to lunch and had a questionable meal… It was like some pork, greens, and eggplant stir-fry or something. That means I am going to have a light dinner. I guess since I have a definite source of food (the caf) I need to exert full control over it

You know, I need to find out the hours of the gym so that I can more fully coordinate it with my schedule…